The news is dire.
Nearly 10 million Americans have lost their jobs in the last two weeks… and this crisis is only getting started.
Many more will soon stand in line.
We reckon that Uncle Sam loves this stuff. He cracks a toothy grin when he pulls out his quill pen and signs some more checks. With each new claim, another American suckles on the gnarled teat of Big Government.
States across the nation are rushing to keep their unemployment systems up and running. They’ve crashed because of the rush of demand.
The unemployed are the massive collateral damage from a virus that’s waged war on the world.
But we’ve got a solution. We’ve shouted about it before.
It won’t solve our problem today, but it will help us out of the next mess, and it will eradicate so many of the cultural diseases that ail this country.
In our mind… this coronavirus mess proves that it’s now or never.
It’s time, we say yet again, that every man in America be forced into two years of service.
Get to Work
Before we go on, know that our idea of service is unlike the traditional definition.
Sure, we’d love men to join the military. They’d surely stand for the national anthem after a few months in uniform.
But, sadly, the majority of today’s young men aren’t fit to fight. If you’re fat… a felon… a drug user (even of many prescription drugs)… or simply someone who can’t read well, you’re out.
Today that’s 71% of our nation’s young men. Fewer than 3 in 10 are eligible for the military.
That’s no good (disgusting, really), but our plan doesn’t care.
We’ll find work for those folks. They can get fit by blazing new trails in our state and national parks. They can get paid to see the country by following natural disasters and helping with repairs. They can nurse their softer side by working at a retirement home.
As long as they’re serving, we’re happy.
The truth is, all we intend to do is splash a bit of cold water in our kids’ faces.
What’s happened in the last few weeks shows just how “sheepish” our country has become. We can’t grow our own food (some neighborhoods outright ban the idea). We stockpile toilet paper while our pantries are empty. And, worst of all, we not only force our government to lock us inside because of a collective lack of common sense… but we admonish them for not doing it sooner.
We need to change direction.
When a nation is more concerned about where it will get its next roll of toilet paper than whether its basic Liberties are being taken away… it’s in trouble.
By forcing young men to change their routines and explore new horizons, we’re convinced we’ll change, no, save America.
A lot of folks these days are talking about the idea of a universal basic income – where the fine folks in the government hand each of us a paycheck every year. It would be, they promise us, an easy way to ensure rent checks get paid and nobody goes hungry.
It’s a dumb idea.
It would be an unmitigated disaster.
Instead, our plan calls for minimum basic work for any man between the ages of 18 and 23.
The government will guarantee these men a job… and therefore guarantee they’re not poor.
But it won’t be a handout. They’ll work.
Again, many will join the military. Plenty more won’t. Those young men can learn a trade. Or perhaps find work in one of Washington’s many office buildings.
It doesn’t matter if they’re gay, straight, black or white. If men between those ages ever want to receive any form of government aid in the future (like during the next pandemic), they must give two years to the country.
If they don’t… you can be darn sure they’ll learn to grow their own food and find a skill employers find useful.
The way we see it, our plan does three things.
First, it breaks the cycle. It’s tough to join a gang or get drunk with your high school buddies when one kid is in the woods north of Seattle and the other is rebuilding roads in southern Florida.
More important, though, it gives our youngest generation an opportunity.
Many can’t afford bus fare out of the city, let alone four years of school. It locks them into a cycle of poverty… which likely just got a whole lot more vicious.
This would be their chance to break it.
Second, our plan keeps kids out of college… the nasty trap of the middle class.
Oh, they can still go if they want. But first they’ll have to give two years to Uncle Sam. And if they play their hands right, they’ll realize they don’t all need a degree – and the massive load of debt they can’t afford when times get tough – to thrive.
After all, two years in the military can quickly turn into a 25-year career – and a cushy pension after an early retirement.
And finally, our plan rebuilds the American spirit.
Lots of great men have emerged over the last few months. Many of them are fighting for their rights.
Most of them have one thing in common… They’ve served this country.
They’re makers, not takers.
If we broke the cycle and forced our youngest men to serve their country, they’d wise up. They’d see new things and learn new skills.
And, most important, they’d see the enemy who’s really taken our nation.
We’re a nation of sheep.
And the wolf has the high ground. It’s clear he’s winning the war.
If we don’t do something drastic, he will devour us.
Our plan won’t be popular. But this is a war we must not lose.
Note: What do you think of Andy’s plan? Send us a note at firstname.lastname@example.org.