We’re running for president.
We did some polling, checked our donor roster and talked with our family. After careful consideration, it’s clear we’re the perfect candidate for the Party of the Unelectables.
We don’t lean to the left. We don’t sway to the right. We stand tall and do what’s right… hence our choice of party.
But our campaign promise is simple and pure. Everybody will know what we stand for.
When elected to the White House… we will ban TV.
It will be outlawed, a felonious crime – an outlet only for crooks and cheats. (Are we too late?)
Swing by 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. on January 20, 2021, and grab a gilded set. We’ll toss a mess of them to the curb the minute we let our sheep loose to graze on the South Lawn.
We argue a country can’t be free and will never fulfill its pursuit of happiness while tethered to that brain-zapping, lie-producing box with an oh-so-crisp screen.
The Unelectable Man
As we write, we’ve got a roomful of kids cold-calling our supporters (we’re told nobody has answered our calls yet). We’re gathering cash (still zero).
We plan to buy some ad spots to run during the impeachment hearings.
The world’s eyes are upon us these days.
They’re tuned in to CNN… they’re glued to Fox… even the folks behind The Price is Right are in on the action – they just asked contestants to guess the price of a vote in 2020.
We were way off. Who knew the devil was getting so much for a soul these days?
Our ad will be simple.
In fact, we made it long ago… during a precious family moment.
We were in charge of recording our son’s first steps – but weren’t told of the lens cap.
We’ve got 38 seconds of clapping, crying… and a black screen.
We’ll finally be able to do something with it.
Imagine the looks. Imagine the confusion. And imagine the pure bliss that pours over TV-watching America as our ad gets the spotlight… and gives the citizenry a steady break from the noise and confusion.
What’s best is we won’t even have to put our name on the ad spot.
America will know it’s us. It’s dark… It’s empty… It’s got to be Andy.
They’ll rush the polls.
But just in case… we’ll keep doing what we do best.
And right now, that’s digging into the mailbag.
We got a note on Tuesday from somebody you know well. Heck, Joel writes for us.
Few things I’ve done recently have brought more joy than doing this weekly essay for Manward. I have no idea how many people are reading it; I hope more than 100, but in any case, it’s certainly offering a wonderful platform to articulate thinking I haven’t had good outlets for. – Joel Salatin
Perhaps we’ll ask Joel if he wants to join our ticket. He could be VP – or, better, the secretary of ag.
We certainly wouldn’t want him running against us. He’s way smarter.
But then again, when has IQ ever gotten anybody elected?
Seriously though, thanks to the unique ideas of contributors like Joel, our mission has already spread far and wide. We reach far more than 100 folks each morning… It’s more like 150,000 these days.
But we need to do some bragging for Joel. He’s a cover model.
His image graces the cover of Mother Earth News this month. It’s a big honor, and it shows just how huge of an impact the man and his ideas have had on the sustainable ag industry.
He’s an icon… and we could not be more proud to publish his thoughts each week.
If you don’t know Joel or his background, we urge you to watch his TED Talk, titled “What Gets Me Up in the Morning.”
But we’ll warn you upfront. Once you see it… you may change who you vote for next November.
Free Healthcare? Try This Instead!
Speaking of changing minds, we got a few notes like these this week…
By cannabis do you mean CBD or THC? One is good and the other is evil. We have not figured out how to keep THC away from the young. THC damages the young brain and there is no repairing it. Until you can assure us how you can solve this problem, quit castigating those who recognize the evil that lurks. – Reader H.D.
The boob tube damages the young brain, too… but we celebrate it in America.
But wait, there’s more.
Please ask Andy to stop blathering about the wonderful benefits of marijuana and rather to focus on scientifically conducted studies of its alleged medical uses, benefits and negative effects. None of the MDs that I know or other professionals who work to help people who suffer from substance abuse and addictions believe that MJ is overall beneficial and all of them believe that MJ is a gateway to abuse and addiction to worse substance abuse including opioids. – Reader D.R.
Hmmmm… this gives us another idea for our presidential campaign.
Free weed for everybody!
It’s a hell of a lot cheaper than free healthcare, it’d open up our jail cells, clear the underachievers from college campuses… and it may just help save a life or two.
Look, we have no interest in getting high. Our brain is wonky enough.
But we do have an intense curiosity for the truth.
We can and have written volumes about cannabis. We even took our fight to the FDA.
And we’ll sum it up this way.
If we shut off the TV and tune out the mainstream myths, we start to see that nobody knows much about this plant. Perhaps the leaders in its potential are the Israelis… followed closely by the Chinese (a scary thought).
Reader D.R. isn’t lying. The last time he talked with his doctor pals, they most likely were negative on cannabis. They had to be – they weren’t allowed to study it and would have been tossed out of their jobs for recommending its use.
But that’s changed.
Research is getting done. New strains are being studied. And we’re learning of dozens – if not hundreds – of potentially beneficial compounds.
We hear most about THC and CBD. The former will get you high, so it gets lots of press. And the latter shows enough outright benefits that scientists don’t need to put their thoughts in a journal – word of mouth is doing their job for them.
But there are many other compounds in cannabis that have not been studied yet – largely because of propaganda spread by, dare we say it, the folks on TV.
As the plant finally gets the study it deserves, we’re seeing some incredible hope.
It’s not a cure-all. Nothing is.
But it’s not evil… far from it.
Turn off the TV, learn to think for yourself and wish our campaign luck.
We’ll need it.
Note: Help us come up with a campaign slogan. Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org with your best thoughts. We’ll send a prize to the best submission.