This is funny. And sad.
Doing what we do, we run across a lot of studies that show today’s men aren’t quite the men of yesterday.
We say it doesn’t take a study to prove the notion – just look at their pants. But folks get paid to put studies together, so studies we get.
To be fair, many of the studies do break some ground.
One in particular proves that testosterone levels are plunging. The reason behind the trend is quite scary.
Another study shows that sperm levels are plunging. The reasons there, too, are scary.
But one study we’ve come across in the “fluff” news of late shows that today’s men have a grip strength that’s roughly 20% weaker than that of their fathers.
Well, Sherlock, this weak handshake phenomenon isn’t much of a mystery. But the rags of record sure treat it that way.
They reveal all the “possible” reasons men don’t have quite the steel-bending grip that they used to.
Hmm… What Could It Be?
The main reason, of course, is fewer men are bending steel these days. Instead, they’re writing code, updating spreadsheets and, for the few men who remain in the trades, using better machines and tools.
Again, it doesn’t take a doctorate in piano pedagogy to understand what’s happening and why handshakes are getting limp.
But it does apparently take somebody with the gall to think for himself to see the bigger picture in all this.
You see, most of the pieces we’ve read about the weak-grip epidemic conclude with quite a flop. They simply tell readers how to rebuild their hand strength.
Squeeze a tennis ball, they say.
Buy a grip-strength tool, they tell us.
Lift weights, they’ll beg of the truly ambitious.
It’s hogwash. Squeeze all the balls you want… saddle up to all the tools you can find. It’ll only mask the problem.
That’s because a weak grip, of course, is a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Think of the last time you shook hands with a man with an iron grip.
We bet he got out of bed early. We bet he thought for himself. And we bet he knew how to get the job done.
Now think of a time you shook hands with a man with jellyfish hands.
He was weak… mentally and physically. He was probably scared of the dark, had no idea how his car worked or knew the difference between a pipe wrench and pipe cleaner.
But we bet he had Netflix on every screen he owned.
Feel His Grip… But Look Into His Eyes
You see, telling men to squeeze a fuzzy little ball to fix their waning grip strength is like fixing the fender on the truck… but ignoring the lack of brakes that put it into the tree in the first place.
Digging deeper, we see that lack of grip strength is greatly correlated with other major health issues.
Obesity, heart problems, diabetes, arthritis and serious brain issues. And nobody should be surprised to learn a man’s hand strength is greatly predictive of his ability to do pushups, pullups and other core exercises.
“The fact that you have a weak grip is important because you probably are weak elsewhere,” says Richard Bohannon, a professor of health studies at Campbell University in Buies Creek, North Carolina. “It’s a window into your world. It provides a peek behind the curtain at your health status.”
Amen… A handshake gives us a window into a man’s world.
If we dare to wipe away the fog of confusion and hype, we see that men these days aren’t the men of yesteryear.
They’re no longer building things. They’re no longer growing their own food or building their own houses. They don’t even change their own oil.
They’re sitting at a computer… lying on a couch… and getting their snacks delivered via an app.
It’s given modern-day men a lousy handshake.
And, oh yeah, it’s killing ‘em.
Get out the tennis balls.